Today in Sports

Inter-Galactic All-Pro Football Team To Play All-Pro Team From NFL

Saturn moon Titan

Surface drawing of Titan, one of Saturn’s moons.

In an effort to strengthen relations with our universal neighbors, officials with the NFL have agreed to play a series of games over the next ten years with an all-pro squad made up of players from teams in the Beldan Football League. Details were still sketchy at press time, but according to one unofficial source, the first game is to be played in the year 2020 on Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. The game will be played on a different planet each year. Earth is tentatively scheduled for the year 2026. The planet Belda is tentatively scheduled for star date 50231.7.

One of the obstacles right now is trying to figure out how to transport the players from Earth to the game sites. It is rumored that engineers from some of the Beldan League territories are willing to come to Earth to help our engineers design and build a craft capable of making these journeys. They want to be certain not many time warps will be involved during the trips.

planet Belda

The planet Belda, in the Beldan Galaxy, with its 3 moons Oy, Vey, and Xxly.

Another obstacle will be in determining the proper amount of breathable air for the players of both teams. Since the Beldan’s air is comprised mostly of helium and nitrous oxide, NFL officials want to make sure their players will take the games seriously. Officials with the BFL could not be reached for comment at this time.

Today in Sports

New Event to Debut at the Next Summer Olympic Games
The 2016 summer Olympics to be held in Rio de Janeiro will see the debut of a new sport, The Granny Shopping Cart Triathlon. It will be the first sport in Olympic history to feature female athletes over the age of 70. We understand training for this new sport has already begun. We have been told at this time the top contenders to compete are Adalaide Miller from Yorkshire, England, and Ilsa Komerov from Romania. An anonymous source with the Olympic commitee has described the triathlon as such: The grannies will compete in the high hurdles, where the object is to jump over an empty shopping cart. Then, while pushing the cart, they race up and down the store aisles filling the basket as high as possible without spilling anything. The final event is the melon toss, in which each athlete must toss several large melons into the full shopping cart without the melon breaking, and then make a mad dash for the cash register. The granny having the most trouble finding her change purse and coupons wins.