A bird in the hand is not necessarily worth two in a bush. Especially if you squeeze it too tight. Could get a bit messy if it decides to poop in your hand, or it might try to peck a bunch of holes in you. Best to leave it in the bush instead. 😀
Resembles a Costume Party
The Big Apple was the site of this year’s sixth annual Superhero Convention. The three-day event was sponsored by Burpee Cola, the caffeine and sugar-free tasteless soft drink. The convention was held at the famed Macadamia-Hysteria Motel. In attendance were all the big names and long time superhero favorites such as Spiderman, Aquaman, The Green Hornet, and Wonder Woman.
After spending two days attending various crime fighting symposiums, the superheroes got a bit rowdy on the last day of the convention. Unconfirmed reports from several eyewitnesses tell us that Superman was spotted leaving a local tavern, staggering down the sidewalk, As he flew away from the gathering crowd he accidentally tipped the Empire State Building. Efforts are underway to contact Superman to correct this issue.
Meanwhile, it was reported tiny superhero Atom Ant was accidentally stepped on in a crowded elevator. He was not seriously hurt. Also, the police had to keep the Green Lantern away from all intersections controlled by traffic lights, as he was confusing drivers. And, the military tried in vain to restrain the Hulk’s cousin, She-Hulk, as she kept swatting planes out of the sky. In her own defense, she claims it was “that time of the month.”
Preparations are already underway for next year’s convention.
I went to one of the local seafood markets for the first time. Among the displays of the usual supposedly “fresh” catches, they also had the tanks for lobsters and crabs. Near the end was a third tank; it was labeled “Fresh Imitation Krab” with fake crabs floating inside.
13 august.. today, mom let me bite my first victim by myself.. i think i picked the wrong person though.. his blood tasted like he just ate a large garlic pizza.
17 august.. dad is going to be upset with me if he finds out i broke curfew.. i was out when the sun came up, and the only building i could hide in had all these shiny cross shaped things all over the place.. it made me feel strange and i had to find another place to hide.. i won’t break curfew again, that’s for sure.
29 august.. my punishment for breaking curfew is finally over.. being stuck inside that mausoleum was so boring.. and i couldn’t even talk to any of my friends on the phone.. not because dad said i wasn’t allowed.. for some reason most of them sleep during the night.. weird.
5 september.. family night tonight.. mom made popcorn with peanuts for us to eat while watching a movie.. it was called “Dracula”.. dad says the movie is a true story about a great uncle of ours who lived in a place called Transylvania.. i hope we can visit him one day.. so cool to have someone famous in our family.. wait until i tell the gang at school.
14 september.. dad was very upset and all out of breath when he got home from work this morning.. i heard him tell mom a couple of psychos tried to make him eat a steak, so he flew away from them as fast as he could.. i would like to try a steak some time.. a couple of my friends have said they’ve eaten them before and they are good.. i’m tired of chicken and fish all the time.. i want something different to eat.
gotta go.. mom’s making me sharpen my teeth.. she says dental hygiene is good for the family.. so i guess i will write more later.
(sung to the tune of “Wake up Little Susie”)
(with sincerest apologies to Don and Phil Everly)
Woke Up With a Doozy
“Woke up with a doozy, woke up,
Woke up with a doozy, woke up,
The movie wasn’t so hot
So we smoked up all the pot,
Our heads are hurtin’ and it’s for certain
That we are gonna get caught,
Woke up with a doozy,
Woke up with a doozy;
Well, what’ll we tell your mama,
What’ll we tell your pop,
He’s loadin’ the shotgun and chasin’ me,
I hope I don’t get shot;
Woke up with a doozy,
Woke up with a doozy;”
um, you get the idea 😀
Tulips – what people use for kissing.
Walking through the parking lot towards the store I thought I heard someone talking to me. I looked around only to find nobody nearby. But I still heard a voice not too far away calling out. “Okay, I’m hearing things,” I think to myself. I listen closely and realize the “voice” is a recorded one. It repeats itself for about a minute. I look in the direction from which the voice was coming. It was the backup alarm on a vehicle. The owner had installed one that would call out about the car being in reverse and for anyone walking behind it to be careful. “Cool,” I thought to myself. Then I had another thought.. It would be even cooler if there was a programmable backup alarm. One that you can have call out “GET OUT OF THE WAY, MORON!” Or perhaps, “Move a little faster, will ya!”
Walking back to my vehicle after completing my mission inside the store, I had another thought. How many of you have had that occasion or two when you forgot where you parked your vehicle? Some of those parking lots are so huge you would need a GPS to find your car or truck. Instead, you hit that little button on the key fob several times to set off the horn or alarm to help guide you through the maze of parked vehicles. So then, why not with the alarm or horn, you have a foam or plastic hand that pops up and waves to you to help you find your vehicle. Maybe that can be programmable as well to say something such as “I’M OVER HERE!” as the hand is waving.
Oh, and one more thought.. If anyone reading this should successfully develop either of these ideas, just remember.. My ideas, so we split the profits. 😛
Peter Cottontail was spotted in some seedy bar with Chicken Little. Rumor has it Mr. Cottontail conned Chicken into providing him with all the eggs he could gather from the local hen houses for Easter. Plus it is also rumored Mr. Cottontail had setup a slave shop using marshmallow chicks to paint all the eggs. One of them claimed to be paid chicken feed wages.
Coming soon to a cable television system near you – The Alien Channel – featuring programs broadcast direct daily from the Beldan Solar System, including such favorite shows as “My Three Pods”, “My Favorite Earthling”, and “Late Nite with Grbx Xenormyn”. Call your cable operator between now and star date 62837.1 and receive free a Photon Energy Pack. The Photon Energy Pack will supply you with enough power to last 50,000 earth years. So call now. Supplies, and this offer, are limited. And for programming that’s out of this world, be sure to watch the Alien Channel.
Inter-Galactic All-Pro Football Team To Play All-Pro Team From NFL
In an effort to strengthen relations with our universal neighbors, officials with the NFL have agreed to play a series of games over the next ten years with an all-pro squad made up of players from teams in the Beldan Football League. Details were still sketchy at press time, but according to one unofficial source, the first game is to be played in the year 2020 on Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. The game will be played on a different planet each year. Earth is tentatively scheduled for the year 2026. The planet Belda is tentatively scheduled for star date 50231.7.
One of the obstacles right now is trying to figure out how to transport the players from Earth to the game sites. It is rumored that engineers from some of the Beldan League territories are willing to come to Earth to help our engineers design and build a craft capable of making these journeys. They want to be certain not many time warps will be involved during the trips.
Another obstacle will be in determining the proper amount of breathable air for the players of both teams. Since the Beldan’s air is comprised mostly of helium and nitrous oxide, NFL officials want to make sure their players will take the games seriously. Officials with the BFL could not be reached for comment at this time.