A New Pope

Pope Francis

image found on gurgle, oops.. i mean google

Maybe some of you have also seen this.. Yesterday, while perusing some of the pages on Yahoo, there was an ad sponsored by newsmax.com. (I would not click on anything of theirs for any reason. But hey, that’s my opinion.) Anyways.. It had a picture of Pope Francis with the lines “Do You Approve of The New Pope?” and “Vote Now”. The last time I checked, I was not a Cardinal nor a Bishop, and neither was I part of the Papal Conclave that elected Pope Francis. So whether or not I approve of the new pope does not matter in the grand scheme of things. Besides, I am probably in enough hot water as it is with God from all the satirical stuff I’ve written about religion and previous popes. So of course I approve of His Holiness. Why should I risk being hit with even more lightning bolts.
Which brings me to this thought: Since we are all considered children of God, is being Pope part of a family business that gets handed down from one generation to the next?

Yeah, I’m Probably Going to Hell for These

(but I can’t help myself 🙂 )
While running errands yesterday, I drove past a church with a sign out front with the message: “Need a lifeguard? Ours walks on water.” Thinking about it for a minute I remembered something – I can walk on water also. I bet many of you have done so as well. How often have you walked on an ice puddle?
Seeing that sign reminded me of another church and sign I used to drive past in one neighborhood when I was a driving teacher back in my home state of New Jersey. The message on that one read: “Most lies are untruths.” So does that mean some lies are true?

I wrote the following “article” for the satirical newspaper when the late Pope John Paul II had scheduled visits to parts of the East Coast back around 1995, I believe it was. May he rest in peace.
POPE VISITS NEW JERSEY, NOBODY CAN EXPLAIN WHY
Pope John Paul II visited the State of New Jersey for two days when he came to America the first week of October. When asked why the Pontiff selected the Garden State for one of his stops while in this country, one member of his entourage, who spoke on condition of remaining anonymous, said: “Only the good Lord knows why he would do such a strange thing.” The first stop was in Hackettstown, where the Pope rode on top of an albino moose along Main Street in a parade thrown in his honor. Leading the parade were three naked Eskimo women tossing rose petals along the pavement to symbolize a red carpet. The mayor of Hackettstown, home of the M&M’s candy company, presented the Pontiff with a five pound bag of the new blue colored plain and peanut candies. Other parts of the Pope’s visit included celebrating Mass at two local churches: the Church of the Holy Smoke, and the Church of the Holy Mackerel. A third service that had been scheduled for this past Friday at the Church of the Holy Cow had been postponed until a later date. The Pontiff was also slated to visit a television studio where he was to film a short commercial spot for RC Cola. The same anonymous entourage member was asked about this, and said: “The Pope enjoys drinking that brand of soft drink immensely. Besides, he thinks the ‘RC’ stands for ‘Roman Catholic’.”

Okay, so, I’m ready to be smited. Or would that be “smitten”?

pope visit

The Pope’s visit to Baltimore, MD 1995

rc cola

RC Cola

morris the moose

our mascot, Morris the Albino Moose

Television Review

“Religion with Aaron Johnstone”
Here’s one program that has all the makings of a three ring circus. Except that it is television ministry. The worst part was you couldn’t tell the difference. During the introductions of the supporting cast I could swear there was a clown in the show. Turns out it was Rev. Johnstone’s wife wearing a bright red wig of really big hair, and about a half ton of makeup. After the intros, the good reverend himself comes out onto the stage riding an albino moose, followed by a small child with a pooper scooper. I half expected a peanut vendor roaming through the studio audience. In tonight’s so called sermon, Rev. Johnstone tried to convince, or should I say con, the audience into sending him all their hard earned money. Which is nothing new. This time, according to Aaron, it was because God had gotten involved in a high stakes poker game against the Devil. And if God loses, then the Devil will be calling Aaron home. I, for one, hope that jokers are wild.