Is this legal?

Occasionally, when I pay a visit to my younger sister at her house, she will be watching television. This in itself is not a big deal, except for what she is watching. Usually those “People Court” type shows. One time, I thought she was watching something on Comedy Central. A rerun of an “SNL” sketch of one of those programs. But no, it was an actual court room studio. The judge was telling jokes, and the spectators looked like they were ready to jump up and either shout “Amen” or “Hallelujah”.
Another time, she was watching a channel that had been broadcasting an actual trial live. I guess it was during a recess period of the trial the network had analysts giving their views of the proceedings up to that point in time. It reminded me of a football game’s halftime show. Maybe this is part of the reason our judicial system is in much need of repairs.
Which brings us to this.. my satirical version of the network legal analysts.

(off screen announcer)
“Now it’s time for The Truth or Dare Network’s Legal Analysis Halftime Show with Bob and Fred.
“This first portion of our Legal Analysis Halftime Show is brought to you by Boris’ Electrical Company. Makers of fine quality electric chairs since 1951. The newest model chair, the “Fryer 3000” comes with titanium clamps and leather straps. It also features several settings – Slightly Singed; Toasted; and Deep Fry. This new chair also has a microwave setting for heating up something quickly. So at your next gathering, try out the new Fryer 3000 electric chair.
“Now, here’s Bob and Fred.”
Bob: “Welcome, everybody, to the Truth or Dare Legal Analysis Halftime Show. Today’s program features Betty Miller on trial for allegedly killing her boyfriend by choking him with her dry meatloaf.”
Fred: “That’s correct, Bob. Betty’s defense attorney claims she served the meal with plenty of gravy to keep the meatloaf moist, and a bottle of dry red wine to help wash the meal down. Meanwhile, the prosecution claims by her serving the dry wine, that only made the meatloaf more difficult to swallow, as it was absorbed by the meat.”
Bob: “I don’t think the prosecution has much of a case based on that assumption, Fred.”
Fred: “Why is that, Bob?”
Bob: “Dry wine is not actually ‘dry’, Fred.”
Fred: “Gotcha, Bob.”
Bob: “We’re gonna break for a quick commercial then come back with the second half of the Truth or Dare Legal Analysis Halftime Show.”

(a few minutes later; announcers Bob and Fred)
Bob: “Welcome back, viewers. The second part of our halftime show is brought to you buy your local Super Walmart.
Fred: “That’s where I do all my shopping, Bob. Good ol’ Wally’s World.”
Bob: “I don’t think we should refer to it as “Wally’s World, Fred.”
Fred: “Why is that, Bob?”
Bob: “I heard there is an adult book store that goes by that name, Fred.”
Fred: “Gotcha, Bob.”
Bob: “We’re going to replay the prosecution’s giving a piece of evidence to the judge. It looks like a piece of the meatloaf, Fred.”
Fred: “It does indeed, Bob, as our overhead cam zooms in on the plate the prosecutor is holding. Does that look dry to you, Bob?”
Bob: “Possibly, Fred. During the commercial break I thought I overheard the prosecutor yelling at someone for bringing him a piece of the meatloaf that was not covered up properly. Which could account for why it looks so dry now, Fred.”
Fred: “Indeed, Bob. I understand even the court’s guide dog would not eat the meatloaf.”
Bob: “Smart dog, Fred.”
Fred: “I think the dog’s name is Rex, Bob.”
Bob: “Gotcha, Fred.”
Bob: “That’s all for now, viewers. Be sure to stay with us after the trial recesses for the day when we will highlight all the courtroom proceedings. See ya later, Fred.”
Fred: “See ya later, Bob.”

(open mic, heard off camera as the closing credits roll)
Fred: “Hey, Bob. I’m hungry. I was thinking of trying that new sandwich shop next door. I hear they make a good meatloaf sandwich.”
Bob: “Sounds good to me, Fred. Let’s go.”

Just curious…

After the Pope retires in a couple of days, do you think he may try taking up the game of golf as many retired men do? If he does, is it possible he may have a bit of an unfair advantage over some of his golfing buddies? I mean, after all, he was Pope, and he did have a direct connection to God. So, if by chance the Pope were to hit a ball into one of the water hazards, would he part the waters to make it easier to find the ball?

Medication Side Defects

One of the reasons I do not watch much television any more is due to the commercials. I enjoy a good humorous one from time to time as much as anybody. But some of the commercials that are broadcast are down right stupid or should never be aired in the first place. Kinda makes you wonder about some of the people in charge at those businesses who approve the making of those types of ads. Plus, to make matters worse, the people who create them are paid thousands of dollars. I’d like a job like that.
Anyways, some of the commercials which annoy me the most are for medicines – over the counter or prescription. Now, mind you, I am not going to name names. Mostly because I do not remember them, nor do I truly care. One of the more memorable ones I heard not long ago listed one of the possible side effects as “sudden death”. Really? That’s a possible side effect? Why in the name of h*ll would I then even consider taking that drug? Not to mention, what doctor in his or her right mind would even prescribe such a medication? Plus, who was the unfortunate soul the medicine was tested on for the makers to discover this possible “side effect”?
There was another one recently mentioning about “doing things when not fully awake” as one of the possible side effects. Which sort of ties in with those 5 hour energy drinks. They are supposed to “wake up” a person so they can go about their day without feeling drowsy. Good thing I wasn’t the one directing a commercial for that drink or pill. It would probably go something like this:
“Hi, I’m Ron. I’m a demolitions expert. Thanks to the energy drink I gulped down, my last 5 hours were spent setting explosive charges faster than I have ever done in my life. See that building over there? I just set the charges on all 10 floors by myself. Now, watch this.” (Flips the switch to detonate the explosives. The entire city block is destroyed.) “Oops! Um; so, um, why not, um, try one of those, um, energy, um, drinks now and, um, see what all, um, you can, um, do with your next, um, 5 hours. Gotta run!”
Another possible side effect is for those erectile dysfunction pills. One effect especially, “if an erection last for more than 4 hours, to see a doctor.” Uh, yeah, right. How many guys are going to do that? If anything, most of them will want to have sex as much as possible for as long as the erection will last. I think that warning should actually read: “if an erection last more than 4 hours, may want sex with almost anything you can find”.

Contest Winners Announced

This newspaper and local radio station 666AM – KDVL, the All Commercials All the Time station, selected the two top winners of our newest “Name the Obscene Phone Caller” contest. Fred Twerther and Mrs. Ernestine Bolger both correctly identified the obscene phone caller as multi millionaire real estate mogul Michael “Blowhard” Bluffman from the great state of New York. For their effort, Mrs. Bolger and Mr. Twerther will each receive a gift certificate worth $13.00 good towards their next visit to the new Homer Simpson Hotel Casino and Yogurt Shop, located just off the famous strip outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. Not only will they have the opportunity of winning big at the many gaming tables, they will also enjoy such entertainment as Bowling for Empty Beer Cans and Simpson Miniature Golf, featuring all the Simpson characters chasing you around the course. For his participation in our contest, Mr. Bluffman will receive a new Monopoly Millionaire board game. The game that makes you feel like you are worth something.

(please note: neither the creators of the Simpsons or the Monopoly game are aware of this. so please.. ssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

Speaking of “Star Trek”…

For those of you who still are or were fans of the various Star Trek television series, do you remember the species known as Ferengi? I’m curious as to how the person who created their “heads” came up with that shape. I mean, after all, when you take a real good look at the Ferengi head shape, it looks a lot like the shape of a butt. So then, is it possible, could the Ferengi be the true definition of the phrase “butt head”? Do you think maybe they were the “butt” of many jokes around their part of the galaxy? 😀

Mr. Spock’s Mind Meld

Recently I was watching an old “Star Trek” episode. In this one, Spock did his famous “mind meld” on another person; a human. Which got me to thinking.. With Mr. Spock being half human and half Vulcan, could he have done a mind meld with himself? While “melding”, would he have exposed all his suppressed emotions and desires? Perhaps something such as “Oh, baby, you are looking fine. I want some of that.” Or perhaps “Hey, pass that bong over this way!” Or maybe even “Yo, dude, check this out!” I guess we will never know.