A bird in the hand is not necessarily worth two in a bush. Especially if you squeeze it too tight. Could get a bit messy if it decides to poop in your hand, or it might try to peck a bunch of holes in you. Best to leave it in the bush instead. 😀
A girl I used to know had just broken up with her boyfriend. She decided to try one of those online dating services to meet someone new. Giving much thought as to what she wanted to write on her profile, she decided she wanted to meet someone who was a little older and more mature. And also, someone who would take care of her. She was not necessarily the brightest of people, though. Because she was on a diet, she titled her profile as “Sugar Substitute Daddy Wanted!”
Resembles a Costume Party
The Big Apple was the site of this year’s sixth annual Superhero Convention. The three-day event was sponsored by Burpee Cola, the caffeine and sugar-free tasteless soft drink. The convention was held at the famed Macadamia-Hysteria Motel. In attendance were all the big names and long time superhero favorites such as Spiderman, Aquaman, The Green Hornet, and Wonder Woman.
After spending two days attending various crime fighting symposiums, the superheroes got a bit rowdy on the last day of the convention. Unconfirmed reports from several eyewitnesses tell us that Superman was spotted leaving a local tavern, staggering down the sidewalk, As he flew away from the gathering crowd he accidentally tipped the Empire State Building. Efforts are underway to contact Superman to correct this issue.
Meanwhile, it was reported tiny superhero Atom Ant was accidentally stepped on in a crowded elevator. He was not seriously hurt. Also, the police had to keep the Green Lantern away from all intersections controlled by traffic lights, as he was confusing drivers. And, the military tried in vain to restrain the Hulk’s cousin, She-Hulk, as she kept swatting planes out of the sky. In her own defense, she claims it was “that time of the month.”
Preparations are already underway for next year’s convention.
Lakehurst Naval Airstation, NJ – A man was killed over the weekend while visiting the air show being held at the Naval Airstation in Lakehurst, NJ. A blimp, the Graf Zeppelin 2, had to make an emergency landing due to electrical problems. The pilot of the airship was not able to make it to the mooring, and it landed on top of several cars in the parking lot instead. It was while going through the wreckage of the automobiles that the victim was discovered. The victim was identified as Fred Magillicuddy of 713 Burning Bush Road, Grovers Mills, NJ. Fred was 61 years old. At first it was believed Mr. Magillicuddy suffered a severe blow to the head from the accident, as it appeared that his tongue was hanging out, and there was a lot of blood covering his face. Upon further investigation, it was determined that Fred had been eating a hot dog with lots of ketchup on it.
How good of a whistler was Whistler’s mother? Did she whistle while she worked? Or, did she whistle a happy tune?
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Charles Chaplin
Once, I was watching a person wind surfing in one of the nearby bays. From the distance something did not appear right. As the surfer approached the beach I realized he had no sail, but he did have spiked hair. Very high, very stiff spiked hair. I watched him as he surfed around the inside of the bay for a few minutes; all he needed to do was to turn his head to change directions. As he turned his head once again, a very strong gust of wind came along and quickly carried the surfer out to sea. A Coast Guard ship found him a few hours later laying exhausted on top of his board in calm waters. The surfer’s spiked hair had been bent in different angles, thus causing him to spin out of control.
One more true story. Again, this one takes place while I was a driving instructor back in New Jersey.
I, personally, plus with students driving, had driven down a country road numerous times and never paid much attention to the happenings at a local farm. One day, with a student driving, as we were passing this particular farm, I just happened to look over and seen something I was not expecting to see. You all have heard the term “makin’ bacon”, I’m sure. Well, as we went past the farm, that’s exactly what two hogs were doing; making bacon. Just curious though; would that have been called doing it “piggy style”? Talk about squealing! 😀
For some reason when I was younger, elephant jokes used to be very popular. Among people I mean, not the elephants. But then again, who knows what kind of sense of humor an elephant has.
Um, anyways.. There is one elephant joke I still remember from time to time, and it goes like this:
Oh, one more thing.. I am not the person responsible for writing them either, so don’t blame me. 😀
Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the jungle between 3 and 5 in the afternoon?
A: That’s when elephants are jumping out of trees.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: Because they were walking in the jungle between 3 and 5 in the afternoon.
I did not say they were all funny jokes. I just said they were popular for some reason. And don’t ask me why I remember this particular joke either. My brain works in mysterious ways; when it does work that is. 😀
I went to one of the local seafood markets for the first time. Among the displays of the usual supposedly “fresh” catches, they also had the tanks for lobsters and crabs. Near the end was a third tank; it was labeled “Fresh Imitation Krab” with fake crabs floating inside.