The Oldest Trick in the Book

According to Wrinkley’s Believe It or Who Cares, Mr. Irving Findley is now the oldest man on record as having visited a prostitute. Mr. Findley celebrated his 127th birthday last week at a local brothel. The owner of the brothel, Madam Lucille LaFarge, plus a few of the girls who work there, greeted Mr. Findley with open arms and open robes as he was rolled through the doors. Also waiting for Mr. Findley was a medical emergency team with a defibrillator and ambulance ready just in case. After the “party” was finished, we asked Mr. Findley how it felt to set a new world’s record. His reply was: “I couldn’t find my false teeth anywhere. All that food was tough for me to chew. I had to gum everything.”

Memories…

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

(courtesy of the New York City Friars Club)

Does size really matter?

A few years ago I did a search for chat software to use on a site I had running at the time. I thought it would be a good way to attract and hopefully keep visitors coming to the site. The results of the searches included software for video chatting, which I thought would especially be great to have. No more guessing if the person you are talking with is who they say they are. Their gender more so.

What I found even more interesting in the search results were postings for adult video chat web sites. Now, being the curious person as I am, plus being a healthy adult male with certain urges.. um.. never mind.. I was curious as to what the adult chat sites were all about.

A few of them allow you to watch and join in the conversation in what is called “free chat”. The chat hosts, females, were awesome I will admit. Not just in their sexuality, but in their beauty and brains as well. What I found more interesting and sometimes hilarious, was the conversation some of the male guests/customers were attempting to have with the chat host. For many of them, they were trying to impress the host with their size. They would write something such as “Hey bb, I’m 20cm long; think you can handle that?” The response, if any, to that comment from some of the girls would typically be politely laughing at them.

Now me, with my warped sense of humor, I envisioned more of that conversation. Something to the effect of this: “Hey bb, I’m 20cm long; think you can handle that?.. um, wait, 16cm.. no, sorry.. 13 cm.. oh, never mind”

Flood Closes Topless Night Club

No serious injuries reported.

Flooding closed the popular topless night club, Les Girls, last weekend. The flooding was caused by a malfunctioning thermostat that allowed the inside of the club to build up too much heat. The excessive heat then caused the silicone breast implants worn by all of the dancers to melt, and the silicone leaked out of the breasts. When the dancers realized what was happening, they tried to leave to get to the nearest hospital for help, but the customers would not let them, thinking it was part of a new act by the showgirls. As the club’s manager was placing an emergency call to all area plastic surgeons, the customers finally realized what was going on, panicked, and rushed for the exits, leaving all thirty dancers stranded on the three foot high stage. Finally, rescuers from the Coast Guard arrived, managing to wade through the knee high level of melted silicone, and get the dancers to nearby hospitals for emergency plastic surgery. All of the ladies are doing fine. Though some of them were talking funny after the surgery. We asked one of the doctors, who also was talking a bit funny, why they were doing so. He replied: “We tried a new method of breast implants. We used helium gas. Some of it may have escaped into the air before we could close the valve on the tank.”

Wronco’s Inflatable Doll of the Month Club

Men. Women. Feeling lonely and unloved? Haven’t had a date in what seems like decades? Sex life gone down the tubes? Well, buck up!! Announcing Wronco’s amazing new Inflatable Doll of the Month Club. That’s right. With Wronco’s Inflatable Doll of the Month Club you will never be alone again. When you join the Inflatable Doll of the Month Club each month you will receive your very own personal companion who will never turn you down for a date. And who will always be there when you need a friend. Each doll is made of a super strong combination of Mylar and vinyl so there is almost no chance of punctures. And each doll also comes with its own wardrobe. Which can be mixed or matched with the clothes that come with all other dolls. So you will never run out of outfits for your doll. Wardrobe accessories are sold separately. And by the time your one year subscription to the Doll Club is done you will have enough companions to have your very own orgy. When you subscribe to the Inflatable Doll of the Month Club you will have your choice of dolls – our all Hetero collection of 12 male dolls (for women only) or 12 female dolls (for men only), or you can choose our Alternative Lifestyle collection featuring 6 dolls of either sex. Sorry, no doll swapping allowed. For a limited time, if you sign up now we will include FREE one extra doll in your first month’s package. And as an added bonus we will also include our special automatic pump for inflating your doll so you won’t have to do it manually.