Coming soon to a cable television system near you – The Alien Channel – featuring programs broadcast direct daily from the Beldan Solar System, including such favorite shows as “My Three Pods”, “My Favorite Earthling”, and “Late Nite with Grbx Xenormyn”. Call your cable operator between now and star date 62837.1 and receive free a Photon Energy Pack. The Photon Energy Pack will supply you with enough power to last 50,000 earth years. So call now. Supplies, and this offer, are limited. And for programming that’s out of this world, be sure to watch the Alien Channel.
Teaching People How to be Vain for Over 40 Years
The institute is run by former actress Gina Conshulte, the vainest actress to ever grace the silver screen. Along with her partner, Bruno Sharleton, you will go from being a normal nice caring every day person, to a vain egotistical one in less than a week. At the Vain Institute you will learn how to walk with your nose in the air, and not walk into anything that could disfigure you. You will also learn how to ignore most of the people around you, including family and close friends, without hurting their feelings too much. Your training also includes trips to fancy department and jewelry stores, and high class restaurants. While there you will be taught how to demand service ahead of everyone else, and ignore them giving you the finger. So, call the Vain Institute today to setup your free consultation. In fact, why not just barge in there and demand to talk with someone now! No one will be standing by to serve you immediately. (They’ll be hiding behind curtains laughing at you instead.)
One of the reasons I do not watch much television any more is due to the commercials. I enjoy a good humorous one from time to time as much as anybody. But some of the commercials that are broadcast are down right stupid or should never be aired in the first place. Kinda makes you wonder about some of the people in charge at those businesses who approve the making of those types of ads. Plus, to make matters worse, the people who create them are paid thousands of dollars. I’d like a job like that.
Anyways, some of the commercials which annoy me the most are for medicines – over the counter or prescription. Now, mind you, I am not going to name names. Mostly because I do not remember them, nor do I truly care. One of the more memorable ones I heard not long ago listed one of the possible side effects as “sudden death”. Really? That’s a possible side effect? Why in the name of h*ll would I then even consider taking that drug? Not to mention, what doctor in his or her right mind would even prescribe such a medication? Plus, who was the unfortunate soul the medicine was tested on for the makers to discover this possible “side effect”?
There was another one recently mentioning about “doing things when not fully awake” as one of the possible side effects. Which sort of ties in with those 5 hour energy drinks. They are supposed to “wake up” a person so they can go about their day without feeling drowsy. Good thing I wasn’t the one directing a commercial for that drink or pill. It would probably go something like this:
“Hi, I’m Ron. I’m a demolitions expert. Thanks to the energy drink I gulped down, my last 5 hours were spent setting explosive charges faster than I have ever done in my life. See that building over there? I just set the charges on all 10 floors by myself. Now, watch this.” (Flips the switch to detonate the explosives. The entire city block is destroyed.) “Oops! Um; so, um, why not, um, try one of those, um, energy, um, drinks now and, um, see what all, um, you can, um, do with your next, um, 5 hours. Gotta run!”
Another possible side effect is for those erectile dysfunction pills. One effect especially, “if an erection last for more than 4 hours, to see a doctor.” Uh, yeah, right. How many guys are going to do that? If anything, most of them will want to have sex as much as possible for as long as the erection will last. I think that warning should actually read: “if an erection last more than 4 hours, may want sex with almost anything you can find”.
The original Pillsbury doughboy made his first and only TV commercial. It was the only one because someone forgot to tell the clean up crew he was to be placed back into the refrigerator after filming the commercial. Instead, they were spotted serving him up with plenty of butter and jam.