Speaking of “Star Trek”…

For those of you who still are or were fans of the various Star Trek television series, do you remember the species known as Ferengi? I’m curious as to how the person who created their “heads” came up with that shape. I mean, after all, when you take a real good look at the Ferengi head shape, it looks a lot like the shape of a butt. So then, is it possible, could the Ferengi be the true definition of the phrase “butt head”? Do you think maybe they were the “butt” of many jokes around their part of the galaxy? 😀

Aliens Kidnap Local Politician

Threaten War if We Don’t Take Him Back!
A message was received last week by the President. It was sent by the Ruling Council of the Planet Belda. The contents of the message have not yet been released to the press. But a source close to the White House has told this newspaper it involves negotiations for the release of a kidnap victim. The victim is believed to be Sen. Frank Gangreen, of Ratshead, Georgia. Apparently, Sen. Gangreen was abducted late one night about a month ago, while sitting on the front porch of his home. Since there were no witnesses, and he didn’t show up for work much anyway, most people figured the senator was away on another one of those taxpayer sponsored trips. The Beldans were planning on keeping him for experiments. They changed their minds when Sen. Gangreen, after seeing how poorly run the Beldans’ government was, tried to take over. The Beldan council, who once threatened to declare war on the planet Earth if we did not take back the senator, has softened their stand. They promised they will never visit our galaxy again if we agree to take the senator back. During a press conference last night, the President told the media that, by a three to one margin, the members of both Houses voted not to allow Sen. Gangreen to come back to Earth. “We would rather risk war with the Beldans than to have Gangreen back here with us,” one member was quoted as saying.

Alien Space Probe Crash Lands in East Los Angeles

Converted into Low Rider
Terror and speculation filled the citizens of Southern California yesterday as a satellite of unknown origin crashed into an abandoned apartment building in east Los Angeles. No one was injured. Local military bases reported no aircraft missing. NASA had stated that there were no satellites due to re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere. Top military personnel and UFO experts from around the world were to gather to examine the object. Prior to inspecting the object the military refused to comment on its possible origin. Meanwhile, the UFO experts speculated that it did indeed come from another planet. But by the time they all arrived at the crash site, it had already been stripped of most of its parts and converted into a low rider, complete with hydraulic lifts and fuzzy dice. It was last seen being flown above Melrose Boulevard, with the military police in hot pursuit.

This just in…

From one of our Harold-Gazette reporters on the scene, this has just come in: There appears to be a UFO flying over several cities along the East Coast, moving along at incredible speeds. Our own fighter jets are having trouble keeping up with it. One pilot reported the craft came up next to his jet, with the occupants waving at him. It then took off in the opposite direction so quickly the fighter pilot was unable to track its location. Authorities are recommending for everyone to stay indoors and not to panic.

One scientist believes this is all happening as part of the aliens celebrating their 60th anniversary of the first spacecraft landing here on Earth. What some analysts are deciphering from some of the alien radio transmissions, their celebration is to include local flyovers, cow probes, and square dancing in crop circles.

In other news, despite authorities recommendations, people are running around outside in a complete panic. Many of them shouting “The end is here!”