“I have become an illusion; a ghost in the memories of those who once knew me.”
“The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word ‘love.’ It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life.”
-Lydia Maria Child
A bird in the hand is not necessarily worth two in a bush. Especially if you squeeze it too tight. Could get a bit messy if it decides to poop in your hand, or it might try to peck a bunch of holes in you. Best to leave it in the bush instead. 😀
A girl I used to know had just broken up with her boyfriend. She decided to try one of those online dating services to meet someone new. Giving much thought as to what she wanted to write on her profile, she decided she wanted to meet someone who was a little older and more mature. And also, someone who would take care of her. She was not necessarily the brightest of people, though. Because she was on a diet, she titled her profile as “Sugar Substitute Daddy Wanted!”
Resembles a Costume Party
The Big Apple was the site of this year’s sixth annual Superhero Convention. The three-day event was sponsored by Burpee Cola, the caffeine and sugar-free tasteless soft drink. The convention was held at the famed Macadamia-Hysteria Motel. In attendance were all the big names and long time superhero favorites such as Spiderman, Aquaman, The Green Hornet, and Wonder Woman.
After spending two days attending various crime fighting symposiums, the superheroes got a bit rowdy on the last day of the convention. Unconfirmed reports from several eyewitnesses tell us that Superman was spotted leaving a local tavern, staggering down the sidewalk, As he flew away from the gathering crowd he accidentally tipped the Empire State Building. Efforts are underway to contact Superman to correct this issue.
Meanwhile, it was reported tiny superhero Atom Ant was accidentally stepped on in a crowded elevator. He was not seriously hurt. Also, the police had to keep the Green Lantern away from all intersections controlled by traffic lights, as he was confusing drivers. And, the military tried in vain to restrain the Hulk’s cousin, She-Hulk, as she kept swatting planes out of the sky. In her own defense, she claims it was “that time of the month.”
Preparations are already underway for next year’s convention.
Lakehurst Naval Airstation, NJ – A man was killed over the weekend while visiting the air show being held at the Naval Airstation in Lakehurst, NJ. A blimp, the Graf Zeppelin 2, had to make an emergency landing due to electrical problems. The pilot of the airship was not able to make it to the mooring, and it landed on top of several cars in the parking lot instead. It was while going through the wreckage of the automobiles that the victim was discovered. The victim was identified as Fred Magillicuddy of 713 Burning Bush Road, Grovers Mills, NJ. Fred was 61 years old. At first it was believed Mr. Magillicuddy suffered a severe blow to the head from the accident, as it appeared that his tongue was hanging out, and there was a lot of blood covering his face. Upon further investigation, it was determined that Fred had been eating a hot dog with lots of ketchup on it.
How good of a whistler was Whistler’s mother? Did she whistle while she worked? Or, did she whistle a happy tune?
“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” – Mark Twain