Aliens Kidnap Local Politician

Threaten War if We Don’t Take Him Back!
A message was received last week by the President. It was sent by the Ruling Council of the Planet Belda. The contents of the message have not yet been released to the press. But a source close to the White House has told this newspaper it involves negotiations for the release of a kidnap victim. The victim is believed to be Sen. Frank Gangreen, of Ratshead, Georgia. Apparently, Sen. Gangreen was abducted late one night about a month ago, while sitting on the front porch of his home. Since there were no witnesses, and he didn’t show up for work much anyway, most people figured the senator was away on another one of those taxpayer sponsored trips. The Beldans were planning on keeping him for experiments. They changed their minds when Sen. Gangreen, after seeing how poorly run the Beldans’ government was, tried to take over. The Beldan council, who once threatened to declare war on the planet Earth if we did not take back the senator, has softened their stand. They promised they will never visit our galaxy again if we agree to take the senator back. During a press conference last night, the President told the media that, by a three to one margin, the members of both Houses voted not to allow Sen. Gangreen to come back to Earth. “We would rather risk war with the Beldans than to have Gangreen back here with us,” one member was quoted as saying.

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