Do Inquiring Minds Really Want to Know This?

I spent some time yesterday reviewing ideas for new articles, and looking through older pieces. The following is something I wrote about 10 years ago. This was an actual headline I had read on one of the supermarket tabloids while awaiting my turn in queue to checkout:

OPRAH’S BUTT GROWS BY 3 INCHES” is one of the headlines on the front page of one of the supermarket tabloid papers recently. Now, I did not read the article and I didn’t care to either. I don’t really care how big her butt is. And I cannot think of anyone whom I know personally who cares about her butt size. Other than her family and closest of friends being concerned, for the rest of you GET A LIFE!
My question is this: Who is the lucky person to have the job of measuring how big her butt is? And how often do they have to perform that job?
My take on what that article may say goes like this: “Earth shaking news! Oprah’s butt grows by 3 inches! Doorways will need to be widened! Her limo will need to be stretched in a different direction! The set for her talk show, especially all the chairs, will need to be redone! What type of advice will Dr. Phil give? Will the audience and her guests talk about this behind her back? (Sure, why not. There is plenty of room back there!)”
Okay, so some of you reading this will say that wasn’t very nice or it wasn’t politically correct. And that maybe we went a bit too far with the comments. Well, let me just say this about that: We only went a couple of inches. We could have stretched it out further!

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