No serious injuries reported.
Flooding closed the popular topless night club, Les Girls, last weekend. The flooding was caused by a malfunctioning thermostat that allowed the inside of the club to build up too much heat. The excessive heat then caused the silicone breast implants worn by all of the dancers to melt, and the silicone leaked out of the breasts. When the dancers realized what was happening, they tried to leave to get to the nearest hospital for help, but the customers would not let them, thinking it was part of a new act by the showgirls. As the club’s manager was placing an emergency call to all area plastic surgeons, the customers finally realized what was going on, panicked, and rushed for the exits, leaving all thirty dancers stranded on the three foot high stage. Finally, rescuers from the Coast Guard arrived, managing to wade through the knee high level of melted silicone, and get the dancers to nearby hospitals for emergency plastic surgery. All of the ladies are doing fine. Though some of them were talking funny after the surgery. We asked one of the doctors, who also was talking a bit funny, why they were doing so. He replied: “We tried a new method of breast implants. We used helium gas. Some of it may have escaped into the air before we could close the valve on the tank.”